Shhhh, Shhh, Shhh, Shhh.
This would be how my three children and I started off every morning for four years, from the time I woke them up until we shut the car doors, ready to go to school and work.
Shutting the car doors and hearing the kids chat freely and turning some music on was the best thing about each morning.
We were out, out of the house that caused so much pain. We were free to feel, think, talk and smile. Perhaps even free to be able to take each breath without worrying that we were going to wake an angry scary monster.
I wanted to look respectable for work one morning. I was fed up with that tired worn out mother look that always swept over me. I went for a shower before the children got up. I wanted to wash my hair, dry it off and make something pretty out of it.
I didn’t think that through very well, did I.
As soon as the dryer started, the bedroom door flung open across the hallway. An angry sleepy monster appeared. He stomped his way across the hallway, shoved past me into the toilet and slammed the door.
That’s when I knew, I had made a huge mistake.
He came back out of the toilet, pushed me out of the way to wash his hands while grunting heavily. He stomped across back across the hallway and cursed at me with words that are beyond what any person should be called and slammed the door in my face. Yes, I woke him up, how dare I?
I continued to get ready for work, not finishing drying my hair off as I was too scared he would appear out of the room in a worse state then before. I was scared to think about even coming back home later that day.
I got home at 1pm. The bedroom door was still shut. Yes this was normal, he was still in bed after his drinking session the night before. It was normal for him to do that every night, since he wasn’t working. About half an hour later he got up. Stomped up the hallway, no he could not do anything quietly. Cursed at me again telling me how dare I wake him up like that and not to do it ever again. I was told I had to cook him something to eat. Told me I was a bitch and women should not have any rights. And it went on for the rest of the day.
This was how I was made to live for four long years. Scared that I would crack the eggshells that I had to tiptoe on every day. This day I did, simply by trying to look after myself. Sad isn’t it? ARSEHAT.